Desi Version of Matrix-Reloaded

Well, nothing to do with Matrix Reloaded, really.

A while back, I wrote this post – “Desi Version of Matrix – Dodge This“. This is well, a lame(r) follow up to that.

I recently happened to watch the movie ‘Prince‘Β  – Hindi of course. And trust me, if you happened to watch Prince Of Persia and puke, don’t even attempt watching this. The first thing you have to do of course is imagine that “The Matrix” was written by either Infosys or TCS guys. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, go do some reading.) Who else, could possibly forget to factor in ‘hysics/Gravity into “The Matrix” ?

Oh shit, you guys, we forgot that module totally. All we have is the “return null;” when you call that method“, someone must have been saying. “Let’s bill the Aliens more for that. They never made mention of it in Version 1.o“, someone else would have added. What would have resulted even then, would have been some sort of an unpredictable world, where one moment you hold the world record for long jumps, and the next moment, you can’t avoid stepping on dog poop right in front of you. Disgusting, yes. πŸ™‚

Anyway, lets not digress too much into Indian IT Services.

So, if you have watched the movie, my sympathies are with you. If you haven’t, my sincere advice to you would be not to watch it. Well, if you get the kicks by looking at other people’s stupidity, then by all means, please do.

Let’s take a few frames from the movie, and see what it tells us,

1.Master of Disguise

Well, Matrix alone was not good enough. So, we now need to rip MI as well. I am sure you didn’t notice it, and you will be shocked when I reveal this, but the Sardar on the right is actually ‘Vivek Oberoi’. Whoa !! Really ? Shit, you must be kidding me.

2. Forgot Password

You always have video cameras in large facilities which directly record someone entering a key-code. for someplace secure Obviously! What if he forgets and wants to know ? The password recover form actually sends a mail to the attendant in front of this monitor, who then looks at the screen and promptly replies. Very efficient system. Developed in-house by an unnamed Indian IT Services Company. πŸ˜€

3. Free Hand Drawing.

Well, if you have watched a good number of English movies, you know that they often make holes in glass. Well, they have a pivot like thing with a laser pointer, and voila. Well, if you were very good at drawing Circles free hand, you don’t need the bloody pivot man! I am actually jealous. I could never do that as a kid.

4. Pointed Shooting.

If you observe the gunman to the left, (I’d like not to use the word sniper), you can see that unless the bullet curves, it has no chance of exiting from that muzzle, and hitting our Kevlar touting, Shade wearing Hero. Actually, nor does the guy on the right.

5. Smooth Landing.

All you pilots listen up. That’s how our guy can jump from a 10 storey building, and land on top of a moving vehicle.

6. Iron Man 3

Well, if it isn’t, then what is it ? Believe me, it’s going to better than the first 2 parts. Another picture below. Out guy probably listens to Music on Winamp when he does the swoosh of weapons design on the screen. (Notice the logo ?)

Jarvis, go get me Samosas, and girls who will dance to ‘Munni Badnaam Hui’ and ‘My Name is Sheila’. πŸ™‚

7. Bridge = Full House.

I had some difficulty capturing the exact images, but if you can see, what is being attempted here is a sheer fall, onto a wooden bridge on a bike! Beat that Hollywood. The height looks like at least 10 metres. Well, that bridge is of some pretty good build.

8. Free Fall Lessons.

Fall from a height.

Purr-fect landing.

9. Bike Stunts.

Well, what would movies be, if they didn’t have a few bike stunts ? Sounds absurd no ?

Sure, the girl in the mini skirts, is worth squinting your eyes over, but did you observe the guy on the bike ? He does a couple of circles around the girl with that same exact tilt of the bike. Well, not impossible. Certainly not impossible in Indian movies.

Sure, I’d like to do that myself :P, but then, I’d also have to drive the bike you know.

Yet another tale of perfect landing. I am ordering the shock-absorbers on that bike. My bloody mono-suspension sucks! On seeing this, I couldn’t help but think of the scene in ‘True Lies’ where Arnold tries to get a horse to jump across a building. πŸ™‚

As me, and my friend were discussing, ‘Indian movie makers can never get Physics right. Which is why they go for Chemistry instead’ πŸ˜€




Nope. not that.

Watch Men
Watch Men

Nope. Not them either.

Yes. That!!

Ok, that was poorly done. Agreed agreed. Oh, let it go!!

Watched (that’s right) the Watchmen, yesterday. Technically it was yesterday, although, I did consider it the day before. First impressions – I liked the movie. I am saying that without putting too much thought into what it meant and what it stood for, and at the end of it, what did it offer.

The concept itself is a little far-fetched. (Hence fiction ? πŸ™‚ ) American to the hilt. Maybe even more so than ‘The Hurt Locker’. But then the movie is extremely stylish. The action sequences are slick, and to be honest, some of the stuff , I found to be a little heavy – went right over my head.

Rorschach steals the show, with impressive acting. His acting is brilliant, and the gruff voice is simply amazing. There is a lot of depth to the character as well. IMHO Silk Spectre 2 is pretty hot, and I was a little surprised to see some sizzling scenes in the movie. The Comedian is comes across as macho but as a sadist. Dr. Manhattan is your regular science fiction – accident freak πŸ˜€ Night Owl is likeable and ends up bagging (bedding ? πŸ™‚ ) Silk Spectre finally. His costume and gadgets does however make you wonder why he shouldn’t just be Batman ?

I’ll probably watch the movie again. Decent watch.

Three Hideous-My take on 3 Idiots

Two is company, three is …. Well, never mind.

So, I happened to catch 3 Idiots a couple of days back. That by itself says that I was not overtly influenced by the hype surrounding the movie. I mean, it’s an Indian movie afterall. I take that back. Let me rephrase it as it’s an Indian commercial movie afterall. πŸ™‚

First impressions – Loosely, my ass. This is a proper rip adaptation of 5 point someone. Of course, to make it more appealing to the masses, and to take credit away from Chetan Bhagat (who I don’t think is all that great a writer anyway), it has been tweaked quite a bit. Let’s see, IIT is now ICE. Ah ha. How imaginative. Boman Irani has to talk funny, has to act funny. Hey, it’s a funny movie after all.

I heard about this publicity stunt wherein Vidhu Vinod Chopra and Chetan Bhagat had a spat. You know what, if either of you think that people will not notice that the film and book are almost identical, both of you are nincompoops. So while one of you needs to take it easy, and stop drawing so much attention to yourself, the other has to acknowledge that a rip is a rip. Call it adaptation, call it inspiration. Call it what you want.

I would rate the movie pretty ok. Sharman Joshi as always can’t act. Aamir Khan, goes overboard (I won’t go so far as saying as always), and Madhavan, can simply not be accepted as a college student. Not now, not even 5 years in the past. As for Kareena, the less said the better. She definitely doesn’t have the same charisma of the character in the book. (I forget the name)

As for the message of the movie, various scenes,Β  they are as cliched as they could be. This opening speech where Boman Irani talks about the astronaut pen, brought back some memories. I remember narrating the same thing, in my school assembly. (I don’t know what exactly we were expected to talk. All I remember is that I finished with the Russians had used pencil.)

The songs are pretty ok, once you listen to them a few times. At first hearing though, they don’t sound all too impressive.

Overall, I would say, it wasn’t all that bad a movie. (which coming from me, means a lot πŸ™‚ ) It’s crazy how “All Izz Well” forwards are doing rounds in office. If you let yourself be influenced (well, if positively, then good for you) by movies like this, it is a sad sad thing. If you couldn’t think of the messages conveyed in the movie, by yourself, it’s pretty sad really.

I’d like to close with couple of comments

1) I anyday preferred the book to the movie

2) I could not guess till the fag end of the movie that Aamir Khan was Phunsukh Wangdu. That was a good twist πŸ™‚ Something that needs to be given credit to.

Movies Movies, and more movies

I think my life has changes a lot since I left college. For instance, when I was in college, I used to watch loads of movies. Loads. Really. Sometimes as many as 3 a day.

Then it all dried up. Work, work and more work. Nothing else.

Thankfully, I have a laptop now, and that has helped me reclaim my life. If nothing else, I can use it for blogging, listening to music (when at home) and watching movies.

Problem now is, I am having to catch up on movies that I had with me more than a year back. (Well, with movies you are always playing catchup, but I am talking about recent movies here.)

Me and another colleague of mine managed to come second in a movie quiz at work, and that has renewed my interest in movies.

So finally I ended up watching the following movies, (ages after I actually had them on disk with me)

-Superman Returns (pretty decent movie for a Supeman fan. Not super though. Not the best casting I have seen.)

-I am Legend (Good movie. Scary though. Watching at night is a little scary.)

-28 days later. (Good movie again. A little funny if you think of the concept of “rage virus”, but scary nevertheless.)

-28 weeks later. (Sequel to 28 days later. Pretty good, again.)

Some other movies I managed to watch a couple of weeks earlier,

Confessions of a shopaholic, Frost Nixon, Johnny English, The Astronaut Farmer, The Day the Earth stood still

I have more movies lined up.

Jennifer Connelly vs Scarlett Johansson

Now, before you go imagining what made me write this post, let me make it pretty clear myself. I was watching this movie He’s Just Not That into You. The movie itself is not pretty great, but then I am back to movie watching after a long long long long time. (More than an year now since I watched movies.) Also the movie has got a pretty decent star cast:

Ben Affleck, Bradley Cooper.

Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson.

Well, my discussion here is primarily centred around Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Connelly and Scarlet Johansson in the movie. Now, let us for a second assume, I was playing the part of Bradley Cooper in the movie. (Wishful thinking, I know πŸ™‚ ) I would never ever ever ever have done anything to jeopordise my relationship with Jennifer Connelly. I mean, sure Scarlet Johansson is tempting, but IΒ  would any day prefer JC to SJ πŸ™‚ (The reader of this blog post, may have his or her πŸ˜‰ own opinion which might differ from the writer’s. That is perfectly acceptable. )

Let’s try and reason a little but ok. IMHO, Jennifer Connelly is any day better looking than Scarlet Johansson. (Sure, Scarlet is younger and ahem.. better endowed. But hey, that’s no reason to force yourself to become dumb and let go of a woman like Jennifer Connelly.) Actually, Bradley himself does very well, but apparently not well enough as he ends up with a request for a divorce from JC (whether or not they actually do, is well… not in the scope of the movie.)

Ok, thats about it. Now you know of my liking for Jennifer Connelly. πŸ™‚ It was nice having you here on my blog.

On second thoughts JC’s role in the movie (I don’t remember character names) is a little hysterical, bordering on psycho. Well, no matter how physically attractive she is or how beautiful you think she is, people who behave that way, are to be avoided at all costs. I mean, who breaks things in the house and throws things around just because your hubby smoked ? (That is if he did.)

Also, a little confusing was if Bradley Cooper even smoked. I mean he denies smoking and then owns up to having slept with another woman. Well, if he did smoke, clearly he liked the cigarette butt more than Scarlet Jonahnson (‘s) πŸ˜€ But assuming he didn’t (which is what I think anyway, considering he even says no to Ben Affleck, when he offers him a smoke), what was the point that was being made in the movie ?

P.S: TheΒ  writer of this blog post may not have been entirely coherent while writing this. (due to reasons that cannot be disclosed here.)

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BIGFlix is owned by Anil Ambani. So yet another Reliance product. Big Bucks or Big flicks ? Who cares, we have p2p. πŸ™‚