The Exit Interview

Disclaimer: The following write-up has nothing to do with my personal experience , or that of anyone I know. It is a work of fiction, and by golly, if you think your interview went in a way described below, you should write to me. I’d be interested in knowing you. 🙂 This post also has nothing to do with the HR policies or any policies for that matter that my previous, current or future employer might have. Let’s just leave it at that-HR tells me, that should suffice 😉 . Kidding of course.


Me and a friend of mine were having a jolly good discussion over Ice cream cones, and suddenly the topic seemed to shift to ‘Separating from the Company’, or ‘Putting in the Papers’ as is known in some circles. Well, all it means is that you are going to quit the organization, or as one might have heard a few years earlier, Resign from a job.

Well, I am not very good at specifics of this, but I am good at letting my imagination run wild at times, and I thought up a few scenarios, and the two of us had a few good laughs. (So, if you find inaccuracies in the process itself)

I am going to take three different guys, a) serious, b) likes a good laugh, c) indifferent, and see how their exit interviews might (or to be honest, might not) go,

(Why so) SERIOUS

Interviewer: So, tell us, why are you quitting the company ?

Serious guy: (Immediately heating up, half shouting) Are you kidding me ? Didn’t I just come out of the meeting with my manager, after shouting my throat off, and here I am five minutes later, filing my separation. And you ask me why ? Oh, why don’t you tell me Sherlock ? [thinks to himself: Jerk! You think just because you are in Human Resources, you can instigate me with a seemingly benign question. You filthy pig! I wish I could strangle you] – (knuckles clenching and unclenching all the while.)

Interviewer: No, but seriously. I am supposed to be writing down the reason here, in this form.

Serious guy: Oh, come on! You can’t be serious about being serious. And just so you know, no one around here takes you seriously. But anyway, I’ll do you a big favor and tell you why. Because  the company sucks!! Every stupid policy you have sucks!! Everything that results from the neurons firing in your brain and your superiors brain and his superiors brain is simply, well, sucky! [thinks to himself:I wish I could reach across this table and pummel your face with my bare hands. Ah, yes, that would be justice.] (Grins menacingly)

Interviewer: This is no place to vent your anger. I can get you a therapist for you, once we are done here. If you can just tell us plain and simple why you are quitting, we could get this over with.

Serious Guy: What ? I just did [Now I am just going to kill you.] You know what, write down whatever the hell you want to. I don’t care. (get’s up and leaves. Slams the door on the way out, and goes to the Smoking Zone for one last smoke inside Campus.)

HR scribbles on the form: Employee has major issues with anger. Did not volunteer any information for reason on quitting., in spite of me being persuasive. Also seems to be paranoid. Well, I am not a shrink, but this guy quitting has nothing to do with the company. He has issues!

Guy who likes a Good Laugh

Interviewer: So, tell us, why are you quitting the company ?

GWLAGL: Do you know policy A that you guys implemented last year – that’s why. [thinking to himself: He he] (Has a smile on his face)

Interviewer: What about policy A ?

GWLAGL: What about it ? [thinking to himself: He he]

Interviewer: What ?

GWLAGL: What ? [thinking to himself: He he]

Interviewer: (Puzzled!!) No, but seriously. I am supposed to be writing down the reason here, in this form.

Serious guy:Fine fine. You know policy B you guys implemented last year ? [thinking to himself: He he] (Trying to act serious, but can’t help smiling)

Interviewer: Yes. Now, what about policy B ?

GWLAGL: What about it ? [thinking to himself: He he]

Interviewer: What ?

GWLAGL: What ? [thinking to himself: He he]

Interviewer: [phew! again!] This is no place to kid around. If you can just tell us plain and simple why you are quitting, we could get this over with.

GWLAGL: What ? (Smiles a wide smile.)

Interviewer: You know what, that’ll be all.

GWLAGL leaves without saying a word.

HR crumples the form and throws it into the waste paper basket. Takes it out, smoothens it, scribbles on the form:  He had to be kidding me!! You know what, I quit!!

Indifferent Guy

Interviewer: So, tell us, why are you quitting the company ?

IG:Errr….

Interviewer: No, but seriously. I am supposed to be writing down the reason here, in this form.

IG: Meh.

Interviewer: Do you actually have a reason for quitting ? I need to write this down here.

IG: (This time just shrugs)

Interviewer: You know what, that’ll be all. We are done.

IG not bothered by this temper tantrum, remains seated.

HR writes,

Reason for Employee Leaving: Meh!!

then gets up, and leaves the room leaving our man sitting there.

One Day (Down the Drain) – @ Passport Office

Ok, nothing to do with the Chennai rains of which I am sure you must have got innumerable mails (/forwards) with sad sad images. Ok, sorry. Let’s forget that. Not a ver ygood memory.

This has to do with my passport application. The story goes thus….

I had applied for a passport in June 2008 at Chennai. (The post can be found here.) That was followed by me joining Infosys again in June. What followed was Police coming home (relax) for passport cerification. And obviously I wasn’t available in Chennai. (I haven’t perfected being in two places yet. Still training.) So, now my online status says “Police Verification Failed” I tried mailing the people at the passport office to find out what I should do, but then surprise surprise, they don’t reply.

Then I went to their website to try and see what I should do. I thought the FAQ’s section or something will have some information on it. But then this is India. No information whatsoever. I went through the site more religiously than I have gone through my Engineering books. (return null;) That’s all I got. Nothing.

So I finally decided to take control of things, applied for leave (after having to literally fight with my PM. You know how it works.) and came to Chennai so that I could go there (come here ?) and find out. I asked a few people and they told me that I had to go to the passport office and give in a letter asking for re-initiation of Verification process.

I went to the passport office today. Had to wait in the queue for about an hour and a half to two hours. At the end of which I am told I can no longer apply for verification. What the ? Thsi guys tells me I have to produce a proof of my current address in Mangalore (Yea another sad story.) and proof of employment. After I do that, it will be transferred to Bangalore and God knows what will happen after that. Problem is I don’t have either. So I am pretty much stuck. Dead.

If someone can enlighten me as to what I can do, do let me know. I would like to get out of this situation ASAP.

Infosys Checklist

Checklist

I thought I’d make a list of things to carry to Mysore. It’s always better to make check lists and make sure you are carrying everything before leaving. The check list I have made tries to be complete but I might have missed out on some details or certain other mundane things. If I have missed out on anything important, then do let me know. You always have the comments section.

Not everything is a necessity. If you want to find out what you are supposed to take, then you should refer to the offer letter. The content between [ and ] are my comments. The content between ( and ) are official.

Some of it might seem very less important and maybe even funny. In any case, even if you miss out on these things, you can always buy it once you go there.

Infosys-checklist

Infosys FAQ’s

I have the most impossible questions when it comes to knowing about things. I read lot’s of FAQ’s on Orkut and other places. I thought I’d compile my own list as most of them are unnecessarily long and badly typed out.

Do note that I do not have first hand information and all sources of information have been collected from here, here and here. I have done a considerable amount of poring over badly written comments and statements. So if there are inaccuracies, don’t hit the roof.

FAQ’s

1. What is the training program that I will undergo on joining?

2. What are the technologies that I may be expected to work on?

3. Will there be any evaluation during my training?

4. Is there an agreement/bond to be signed?

5. What should I do in case I am not able to open the PDF attachment and print the e-letter before I leave for the location of my initial reporting and training?

6. What are the documents that I need to carry on my joining date?

7. I am yet to receive my final mark sheets and provisional degree certificate. Can I produce then after I join?

8. Will the offer be valid till the completion of my studies?

9. Whom do I keep informed about a change in my postal address/email id?

10. Can I bring my personal computer or laptops to the Infosys campus?

11. When will I receive details of my initial accommodation? Till when can I avail the accommodation?

12. Where do I report on my joining date? Whom do I contact for my initial accommodation arrangements at my training location?

Answer to questions 01 through 12 can be found in the e-mail sent by Infosys. If you haven’t gotten it yet, be patient.

Other Questions

13. Do I need to prepare anything before joining the training?

Answer: Infosys had indeed given a list of books to read up on before joining the training. But if you haven’t done that, no sweat. You will be evaluated on how well you can learn and not how much you already know. It does give you an edge, but that’s all really. They teach you very well and as long as you don’t sleep,(there as well) chances are it won’t be a problem.

14. How long is the training for?

Answer: I hear that there will be a test even before the training starts.(First day of joining mostly.) It might only be for the CSE and IT students. The people clearing this test will be assigned to Short Cycle or Fast Track (as it seems to be called.) The others will be in Long Cycle. Short Cycle supposedly lasts for 8 weeks while Long Cycle lasts for 16 weeks.

15. What will we be learning in training? (Also see FAQ 2)

Answer: The training is broken into two sections. Generic Stream and Specific Stream. (You should log into your Infosys login to find out what you are expected to learn in that.)

16. How are we assigned Specific Streams?

Answer: I am not sure if there is an internal system to monitor your performances, but as far as I can see (from other comments), it seems that it is totally AT RANDOM. So all of you who cribbed about not getting a chance to choose your electives there you go, the real world is just as cruel as Engineering colleges are. It is put as based on business requirements.

17. Do I have to buy books and take any study material as such?

Answer: Not really. They have libraries. (And they will be nothing short of magnificent.) And you are given study/course material. A few say the study/course material is all you need to know to pass their exam.

18. Why is their course material called Champak ?

Answer: Your guess is as good as mine.

19. How will the exams be conducted? (or) What will be the mode of examinations?

Answer: Online I hear. It’s apparently called OLE’s (On-Line Exam)

20. What will the daily routine be like?

Answer: Morning Yoga

09:00 – Training Classes

13:00 – 1 hour Lunch

14:00 – Training Classes

17:00 – 1 hour break

18:00 – Training Classes

20:00 – Dinner

21. Are weekends off?

Answer: Yes and thank God for that.

Mysore Specific Questions:

22. So, how are hostels or rooms allocated?

Answer: A room is shared by two people. I hear the room has TV’s and two beds. It also has such things as toiletries, towels, tea bags…etc. The allotting of rooms is again random. You cannot choose your room mates.

Apparently, you can also make use of Swimming, Bowling, Tennis and Library Facilities.

23. Where in Mysore is Infosys?

Answer: The address is as follows:

Infosys Technologies Limited.

No. 350, Hebbal Electronics City,

Hootagalli,

Mysore – 570 018

24. How far is Hootagalli from Mysore Railway station?

Answer: I am not very certain of this, but it looked like less than 10 Kilometers on Wikimapia. There seems to be a station called Belagola very close to Hebbal Electronics City, but then I am not sure if Suburban Trains ply between stations.

25. How much do I have to pay for my rooms?

Answer: I hear it is Rs 1,500 -1,800 per month and it is deducted from your salary.

26. How about food? Do I have to pay for it from my pocket?

Answer: Yes, food is not on credit basis and one has to pay money. I will not comment on the quality of food. Both North Indian and South Indian Cuisines are available.

27. How will I commute within the campus?

Answer: This is one of the coolest things if you ask me. You get to drive bicycles inside the campus. Don’t worry about finding yours in the crowd. You can drive off on any bicycle as long as you stay within the campus. You better know riding a cycle though.

28. I hear there is a multiplex on the campus?

Answer: Right you are. There is one. Don’t ask me what movies will play though. With some luck you could catch The Dark Knight there.

29. What clothes do I wear?

Answer: That is clearly mentioned in the offer letter.

30. Can I take any form of electronic media inside? If, not why?

Answer: Seems like you cannot. No Cd’s ,DVD’s,Thumbdrives…etc. I heard even MP3 players are a no. Not sure of this though. You can have a cell phone with you. Camera or no camera.

As to the why, all software companies have sensitive data that should not be revealed to the outside world. They would not want you selling their company secrets. 😉

31. Do I need to carry any money with me when I go to Mysore for training?

Answer: Yes and the Infosys offer letter clearly states that it is advisable to carry a sizeable amount of money with you. Rs 5,000-6,000 should be adequate.

32. I fall sick very often. IS there a doctor on campus?

Answer: Yes. They seem to have given it some thought.

33. I have been called on 23rd June. Can I go report on the 22nd of June and stay there for the night?

Answer: Seems so. But it is best you call them up or email them and find out. But from what I read and hear, you can report one day in advance.

34. How about salary and salary accounts once inside?

Answer: Salary will be credited to your salary account. An ICICI account will be created for you on the day you join. You should have an ATM inside the campus.

35. Is it cold in Mysore? And should I carry any woolens?

Answer: Compared to Chennai yes. And maybe you should carry some woolens.

36. Can I go outside the campus on Saturdays and Sundays?

Answer: Thankfully, this is not like a Jeppiar run college. You are free to go outside the campus on weekends. Actually, you can even go on weekdays.

37. What are the other Formalities before joining ?

Answer: You need to have applied for a passport, a four wheeler driving licence and registered yourself with NSR. (National Skills Registry.)

38. I have more questions. What should I do?

Answers: Mail Infosys. Also read here and here.

P.S: I am turning comments off because I do not want stupid questions like, I am afraid of joining, what should I do ?

Here are a few pictures of the Infosys Mysore campus I found online:

Project O2 and A Break From Blogging

Mourn Identity:

So, turns out I didn’t make the ISRO test. That kinda hit me hard. I am still trying to come to terms with it. I don’t know about the job, but it would have felt nice just to have cleared the test. But that didn’t happen. So now, instead I have to feel like shit. I know I am no Electronics God, but I know my basics and I can work out problems. I sure was rusty when I attended the test, having put no preparation in and that’s my fault. (It can attributed to a few other reasons too, but that’s not nice. It’s better to just accept it that you failed yourself.) What this also means is that I might have to now take up my Software job. 😦 The one last straw of hope I was clinging on to, is gone. That’s depressing isn’t it ? 😦

Project O2: (Which has nothing to do either with ISRO or O2 for that matter) 

Anyway, I have been given a project to work on. At least something to cheer about. It’s nothing great, but if I have to make it fully functional, I’ll have to work on it a bit. (Maybe not as much as my Final Year Project, but considerable amount of work.) The best thing is, I might get paid a token amount if I complete it properly and on time. So, I am trying to keep myself in better spirits.

Break (No, not the Big Break!!)

That means except for the IPL posts which I have time stamped (just one line dumb posts), I don’t plan to blog for a while now. I would like to kick myself instead for being an a-hole and not doing my test well. So much for my Rocket Scientist dreams. Damn it!!

December (or Later) is Definitely Bad

Read Marc’s post here December Isn’t So Bad

What are we talking about ? We are talking about the tentative date of reporting for training with Infosys. While, it is still not confirmed that it shall take till December for us to be called for training, if people have been intimated that they need to report by December , then chances are the guys who have not been intimated so far (like me for instance) will be called even later. (Very slim chances of us being called earlier.)

Infosys

Possible Upside:

Sure, you can use the time to go an a vacation or something. You can definitely stay home and recuperate form the bad dream which lasted 4 long uneventful years (read B.E/ college)  by taking rest. (But haven’t we been doing that for almost 6 months now ? Right form the 7th semester study holidays.)

Definite Downside:

I was expecting to be called by say July. Now I shall be missing 6 months’ pay. 😦  Damn, I could have saved at-least 50k by then. Now instead, I will have no money in December. What will I buy myself for New Years ?

Salary is one thing. Another thing is losing 6 months in life. It’s almost like we will be joining with our junior batch. We could even end up being colleagues. Now, how much ever cool you think the long vacations are, that’s pretty shitty man. It’s almost like flunking a grade. Now, Isn’t that bad enough. At around the same time next year, you won’t have enough experience to show on your resume. It’s a permanent setback.

Backup Plan:

Infosys was supposedly my backup plan. But I didn’t know that my college guys would be bastards and not let me attend other core companies. So, now I am stuck with no alternate options but this. I did have a few other things in mind. Like GATE for instance. However, my dad felt I should give CAT (why do all dad’s think that ? ) and disagreeing with him meant that I couldn’t take GATE either. (Well, he has to pay for the application and the classes you know) GRE (translates to an MS in US) was never an option immediately after college for me. That would have to wait another 2 years.

Keeping myself engaged for 6 months:

I could do a lot of things to keep myself engaged. I am thinking of attending a few symposiums. 🙂 I could toy around with a few things I have been always wanting to experiment with but never had the time. I could learn MFC 🙂 and VC++ with some effort. (I do know MFC to an extent. But nothing commendable) There is no end to the things I can do. Oh, wait, did I forget to mention that I am lazy ? Yea, I am. Which means that I might end up doing none of the above and just put on an extra 5 kilos in 6 months eating an sleeping at home.

On second thoughts, I could probably do a course in something. Prepare for GATE maybe. We will have to wait and see…