Desi Version of Matrix-Reloaded

Well, nothing to do with Matrix Reloaded, really.

A while back, I wrote this post – “Desi Version of Matrix – Dodge This“. This is well, a lame(r) follow up to that.

I recently happened to watch the movie ‘Prince‘  – Hindi of course. And trust me, if you happened to watch Prince Of Persia and puke, don’t even attempt watching this. The first thing you have to do of course is imagine that “The Matrix” was written by either Infosys or TCS guys. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, go do some reading.) Who else, could possibly forget to factor in ‘hysics/Gravity into “The Matrix” ?

Oh shit, you guys, we forgot that module totally. All we have is the “return null;” when you call that method“, someone must have been saying. “Let’s bill the Aliens more for that. They never made mention of it in Version 1.o“, someone else would have added. What would have resulted even then, would have been some sort of an unpredictable world, where one moment you hold the world record for long jumps, and the next moment, you can’t avoid stepping on dog poop right in front of you. Disgusting, yes. 🙂

Anyway, lets not digress too much into Indian IT Services.

So, if you have watched the movie, my sympathies are with you. If you haven’t, my sincere advice to you would be not to watch it. Well, if you get the kicks by looking at other people’s stupidity, then by all means, please do.

Let’s take a few frames from the movie, and see what it tells us,

1.Master of Disguise

Well, Matrix alone was not good enough. So, we now need to rip MI as well. I am sure you didn’t notice it, and you will be shocked when I reveal this, but the Sardar on the right is actually ‘Vivek Oberoi’. Whoa !! Really ? Shit, you must be kidding me.

2. Forgot Password

You always have video cameras in large facilities which directly record someone entering a key-code. for someplace secure Obviously! What if he forgets and wants to know ? The password recover form actually sends a mail to the attendant in front of this monitor, who then looks at the screen and promptly replies. Very efficient system. Developed in-house by an unnamed Indian IT Services Company. 😀

3. Free Hand Drawing.

Well, if you have watched a good number of English movies, you know that they often make holes in glass. Well, they have a pivot like thing with a laser pointer, and voila. Well, if you were very good at drawing Circles free hand, you don’t need the bloody pivot man! I am actually jealous. I could never do that as a kid.

4. Pointed Shooting.

If you observe the gunman to the left, (I’d like not to use the word sniper), you can see that unless the bullet curves, it has no chance of exiting from that muzzle, and hitting our Kevlar touting, Shade wearing Hero. Actually, nor does the guy on the right.

5. Smooth Landing.

All you pilots listen up. That’s how our guy can jump from a 10 storey building, and land on top of a moving vehicle.

6. Iron Man 3

Well, if it isn’t, then what is it ? Believe me, it’s going to better than the first 2 parts. Another picture below. Out guy probably listens to Music on Winamp when he does the swoosh of weapons design on the screen. (Notice the logo ?)

Jarvis, go get me Samosas, and girls who will dance to ‘Munni Badnaam Hui’ and ‘My Name is Sheila’. 🙂

7. Bridge = Full House.

I had some difficulty capturing the exact images, but if you can see, what is being attempted here is a sheer fall, onto a wooden bridge on a bike! Beat that Hollywood. The height looks like at least 10 metres. Well, that bridge is of some pretty good build.

8. Free Fall Lessons.

Fall from a height.

Purr-fect landing.

9. Bike Stunts.

Well, what would movies be, if they didn’t have a few bike stunts ? Sounds absurd no ?

Sure, the girl in the mini skirts, is worth squinting your eyes over, but did you observe the guy on the bike ? He does a couple of circles around the girl with that same exact tilt of the bike. Well, not impossible. Certainly not impossible in Indian movies.

Sure, I’d like to do that myself :P, but then, I’d also have to drive the bike you know.

Yet another tale of perfect landing. I am ordering the shock-absorbers on that bike. My bloody mono-suspension sucks! On seeing this, I couldn’t help but think of the scene in ‘True Lies’ where Arnold tries to get a horse to jump across a building. 🙂

As me, and my friend were discussing, ‘Indian movie makers can never get Physics right. Which is why they go for Chemistry instead’ 😀


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