Nose Picking using Neural Networks

Nose Picking Using Neural Networks:

Bush ?

For all the serious Scientists or enthusiasts on neural networks who were redirected here by a search engine, (ok I know the probability is pretty low. My blog probably hasn’t even been crawled yet.) I suggest this is not the topic you want to read to help in your thesis. If you are damn tired of reading and don’t know which way to go, then maybe you could stay a while longer and read this actually. It might be a little fun. But read at your own risk!!
 

Inspiration behind the topic:
The inspiration behind this topic is countless of engineering students who submit papers on “Neural Networks” in symposiums all around the state of Tamil Nadu in India. (I cannot comment on other states because my observation set is based on this state and I haven’t been to too many other Engineering colleges in other states.)
 

Papers on neural networks:
            I think I should write a separate article or perhaps even a book on the “funniness (not fuzziness, no typo here) of papers presented in symposia”. Let me explain to you how paper presentations work in Chennai. We will cut through the selection or short listing process, because essentially that involves a lot of practices that id rather not explain in this topic. It will take the charm away form the discussion at hand. Once selected, participants go and croon about their work. Wait did I just say their work? Sorry I must have meant the Presentation and not the Content!!
 

Neural Networks:

Neural Networks
Most people don’t have an idea what neural networks is. (Maybe even I included. At least I haven’t presented a paper on “nose-pickings using neural networks” yet.) Still more, most people don’t even know why it should be used. But why am I picking neural networks? Why not fuzzy sets or SCADA? Simply because it goes with the title of nose-picking. I could use other terms just as easily. The bottom line is these people presenting papers don’t have an idea as to what they are saying!! (I wanted to use swear words, but I think ill avoid that temptation right now) 

 Why use Neural-networks?
            You know when all you want to do is pick your nose why use neural networks at all? Isn’t it? Smart question. Exactly what I ask every time I see someone presenting a paper on “something using neural networks”. I want to get up and ask “Dumbass so why are you using neural networks?” (Ok sorry, the temptation got really strong)
            Most of these people don’t know what they are presenting and its all content ripped off the net. But that’s alright. People who rip contents off the net at least talk of applications that make sense when you use neural network, without which some critical functioning would be hampered. It’s the wannabie Einstein’s that piss me off. They append and modify their simple normal papers with ANN. Like switching on the light bulb using ANN, or checking if you got mail using ANN.
 

Closing Comments:
            To finish I would just like to say that the merit of papers presented out there using neural networks is no better than my topic here.(And they aren’t even funny) There are exceptions of course, a good friend of mine from another college Gokul, my senior Shiva,… But generally speaking what I say here holds true. Actually I think my paper would do better than others’ .I could even win the Ignobel if not the Nobel. 😉
           
 

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4 thoughts on “Nose Picking using Neural Networks

  1. It’s so fanny. But as you say my mind is so tired for my thesis topic,when I read your paper,I feel happy.Thanks a lot.

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